THE ILLUSION OF HEALING :WHEN SILENCE IS A SURVIVAL MECHANISM, NOT A CURE.

 Have you ever found yourself thinking you’ve healed from a painful experience because when it's brought up in conversation, you manage to ignore it? You keep your composure, survive the moment, and convince yourself that you're okay. But later, when you're alone, those feelings you thought were buried resurface, and you find yourself overwhelmed with emotion. Tears come suddenly and uncontrollably. The scenario that seemed manageable in public now feels unbearable in private. This kind of experience is more common than we think, and it reveals a deeper truth: healing is not always what it seems.

When we can ignore something in the moment, it’s easy to assume we’ve moved past it. It feels like survival—getting through the day without being visibly affected by what once hurt us. But ignoring doesn’t mean healing. Often, the pain is still very much present, lingering beneath the surface, waiting for a quieter, more vulnerable moment to make itself known. This is why, when we're alone, we can feel the weight of the emotions we’ve been suppressing. It's in these moments of solitude that the flashbacks return, vivid and sharp, reminding us that the hurt is still there.

The pain persists because healing is a process, not a single event. Many times, we believe that time alone will heal our wounds, and while time can help, it's not the only factor. Ignoring feelings or pushing them away only delays the inevitable confrontation with those emotions. The more we try to suppress them, the stronger they become, and eventually, they demand to be felt. These intense emotional episodes, where the tears feel endless, are part of that process. It’s as if your mind is saying, "Now is the time to deal with this."

So, when does the hurt end? When does the pain stop creeping back into your life unannounced? The truth is, it varies from person to person, but healing often begins when we stop trying to pretend that we’re okay and start facing the emotions we've been avoiding. This doesn’t mean you have to relive every painful memory all at once, but it does mean acknowledging their existence. Denying your feelings only gives them more power. Confronting them—whether through therapy, talking with loved ones, or self-reflection—allows you to begin processing and ultimately releasing them.

One of the hardest parts of this process is accepting that the flashbacks, the pain, and the tears are not signs of failure. In fact, they’re part of your progress. Every time you allow yourself to feel the pain rather than push it away, you’re moving closer to healing. It's not linear, and it's certainly not easy, but the more you face your emotions, the less control they will have over you. Over time, the flashbacks will start to fade. The weight of the memories will begin to lift, and the fear of being affected by them will lessen.

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll forget what happened or that you’ll never feel sad about it again. Rather, it means that the pain will no longer dominate your life. It will no longer consume your quiet moments or bring fresh tears to your eyes. Healing is about finding peace with your past, not erasing it. It’s about living freely without the burden of suppressed emotions.

Ultimately, the path to healing is one of self-compassion. It requires patience with yourself and an understanding that it's okay to not have everything figured out. You’re allowed to cry, to feel overwhelmed, and to take time to heal. Each tear, each moment of vulnerability, is a step toward releasing the pain that’s been holding you back. And though the journey may be long, true healing will come when you’ve allowed yourself to fully feel and process the emotions you’ve been carrying.

In the end, healing isn’t about survival—it's about learning to live fully again. And that’s a process that takes time, but one day, you’ll find that the pain no longer has the power to control your life. The flashbacks will fade, the tears will become less frequent, and you’ll be free from the emotional weight that once felt unbearable.

NAVIGATING CLINGINESS, ATTACHMENT AND NEEDINESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

It’s a common struggle many of us face in relationships—feeling clingy, overly attached, or needy despite our best efforts to avoid it. We know we shouldn't depend too much on someone else for our emotional stability, yet we often find ourselves falling into this pattern. The confusion is real: is it genuine love, deep affection, or simply a matter of becoming too used to someone’s presence?

Love vs. Habit

At the core of it, it’s important to differentiate between love and clinginess. Love is often described as a balance between affection and mutual respect, whereas clinginess tends to arise from insecurity or fear of losing the other person. Sometimes, it’s easy to mistake this need for constant reassurance as love, when in reality it may be more about emotional reliance.

Familiarity plays a key role here. When we get used to having someone in our lives, we naturally become attached to them. This attachment can become so strong that it feels impossible to detach or give them space. It’s not always a sign of deep love—it may be the result of feeling dependent on their presence for your own sense of peace or happiness.

The Pain of Unreciprocated Feelings

The hardest part comes when the other person doesn’t seem to feel the same way. You might find yourself investing your emotions and energy into someone who remains distant or indifferent. This imbalance can be deeply hurtful, leaving you feeling rejected, or even questioning your own worth. It’s painful to offer your affection to someone who doesn’t respond in kind, or who treats your emotional investment as unimportant.

These feelings of hurt can lead to frustration—not only with the other person but with yourself. You may wish you were built differently, that you didn’t feel so strongly or so dependently. The idea that your emotional needs are going unmet, despite your efforts to express them, can feel like an emotional burden you wish you didn’t have to carry.

Why Do We Become Clingy?

Understanding why these emotions surface is key to making sense of the situation. It’s not uncommon for clinginess to arise from underlying insecurities, whether from past experiences or self-esteem issues. There’s often a fear of abandonment or rejection, leading to a constant need for reassurance from the other person.

At times, it can also be a case of emotional habit. You might have become accustomed to a certain level of attention, and when that isn’t met, you feel out of balance. These feelings are natural but can create friction in relationships when the other person doesn’t respond as expected.

Finding Balance

The first step in addressing these emotions is acknowledging them. It’s important to recognize when your attachment is coming from a place of insecurity, rather than mutual connection. This doesn’t mean being hard on yourself or seeing clinginess as a flaw, but rather recognizing when it’s creating emotional imbalance in your life.

Healthy relationships thrive on balance. It’s important to communicate your feelings honestly, but also to understand that no single person can fulfill every emotional need. Building a strong sense of self outside the relationship, cultivating personal interests, and learning to soothe your emotional needs independently are all essential steps in managing attachment.

At the same time, relationships should offer support and connection, but they shouldn't come at the cost of your sense of self-worth. It’s about finding a middle ground where love and connection don’t equate to emotional dependency.

Conclusion

Feeling clingy or needy in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It’s a human experience, but one that can become overwhelming if left unchecked. By recognizing these emotions, understanding their root cause, and working to create balance within yourself, you can navigate these challenges and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.